The Belly Laugh Gym

In the virtual world if you download more than your system can handle you just erase it or add more memory and your computer looks exactly the same. In your regular life that never happens. Whenever we stray into the dessert section of the buffet or have that extra helping of mashed potatoes and gravy and add that dollop of butter just because it tastes so good, guess what? Your body makes a record of that little indiscretion and instead of hiding it in some obscure cache somewhere, it flaunts the record right out in front for everyone to see. We call it the belly, breadbasket, gut, pot-belly, pot, paunch, corporation, bay window, tummy, bread basket, spare tire, pooch, or muffin top.

So we begin to try to erase the evidence of our indiscretions with the basic two: diet and exercise. If you want to have a best seller, just come up with an oddball diet or exercise that no one has thought of yet and the ever hopeful of us will either order or sign up once again. Mark Twain said the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not--but we don't do that because as Virginia Woolf said, one cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. Unfortunately, dining well often means you might as well keep a roll of duct tape handy so you can just tape the piece of pie or pizza to your stomach to save time.

Or you can try out my brand new soon to be best selling weight loss method--The Belly Laugh Weight Reduction Kit. I know you are probably saying the belly laugh is not new. Everyone has experienced this--it's late or maybe you've had a few drinks and something someone is saying just strikes you as hilarious and after you cry out: "Stop, stop, you're killing me!" and roll around on the floor holding your stomach, you realize you hurt because it is a really good exercise for your belly.

1. Think about it, is there any exercise you have ever done that targets that specific area as well as the belly laugh? The traditional ones: running, biking, lifting weights, broom twists, side bends and oblique crunches just make us tired but if we had a good old fashioned belly laugh we would be holding that spare tire and rolling around hurting so good in just the right places.

2. Secondly, for all of us fed up with boring exercise routines this is one made in Heaven. Who wouldn't want to laugh yourself skinny.

3. Thirdly, there is all of those other benefits attributed to laughter--Laughter doeth good like a medicine etc. that you get as a bonus absolutely free.

Join me, your personal fitness instructor, as we move into the first stage--a laughing fit, then transition to a giggle and guffaw spasm and finally moving into side splitting chortles and howls which, everyone knows, is the precursor to the genuine Winsome Belly Laugh Weight Reduction Paroxysm.

Some of you may need to start easy from a titter or a giggle to a snigger or snicker and then work your way up to the actual guffaw or two before you enter the chortle and howl stage. I will have to issue a warning at this point to pregnant women and those of you who might suffer from heart disease or high blood pressure. Gales of laughter just might bring on those contractions before you want them and you more fragile, stricken folk run the risk of dying laughing. While it is probably the most enjoyable way to go, you might want to wait till you've set your affairs in order before you begin the following.

To begin our belly laugh preparations, we could put on a good recording like the Car Talk guys Click and Clack laugh audio or turn on a laughing false teeth toy but I think after that eclair you just had, we will start by clicking the youtube arrow on this wonderful eyewitness account of an accident involving my kind of little old ladies. This guy is stuck in traffic, bored and is leaving a voicemail for one of his buddies. Feel free to scroll down to the great photos below while you listen.

Laughter is the sense of feeling good all over and showing it in one place.~ Josh Billings

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.~ Victor Borge

For me a hearty belly laugh is one of the beautiful sounds in the world. ~ Bennett Cerf

January 24 - is Belly Laugh Day, check for yourself online at bellylaughday.com.

The brainchild of Elaine Helle, a self-described "laughter yoga teacher" from Lake Oswego, Ore. In a 2007 interview with the Portland (Ore.) Tribune, Helle touted these benefits from a blue-ribbon belly laugh:

"All your muscles are incredibly relaxed. It relieves tensions, boosts the immune system, oxygenates the brain. It's great for the cardiovascular system. Research shows people who laugh tend to recover faster from cardiac surgery."

Helle has even decreed the exact moment when people all over the world should belly laugh their way to distraction. It's 1:24 p.m., local time. ( 1/24, as in Jan. 24 - get it?)

You may have seen these twenty things to do if you get bored, but they are excellent for putting you into the silly frame of mind that fuels a good belly laugh.

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “In-Box.”
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Smuggling Diamonds.”
7. Finish All Your sentences with “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Pop some popcorn without putting on the lid.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won!, I Won!”
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot,Yelling “Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”

20. Start conversations with the words, "Did you ever wonder why..."

Well now you've reached the end of the hub and our first session. This was just a teaser for the Winsome Belly Laugh Weight Reduction Bootcamp in which I expect all of you to enroll. Our Drill Sargent will tolerate no seriousness and will have you shaking when you laugh like a bowl full of jelly. He can take constructive criticism so bring your umbrellas and a hefty Bible to thump him with.

I fully expect that those of you who have made it this far will have lost a little girth and more than a little of your dignity. Remember, the "battle of the bulge" is not for the faint of heart but definitely is a laughing matter.