I Decided to Be Myself Since Everyone Else is Taken

We probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do. ~ Olin Miller

Since I am a decent and caring person, I try to live my life in a way that does not offend others. In fact, I might even go so far as to make choices about a car, my clothes, my hair or my job so as to impress those whose opinions I care about.

Not only will I make choices designed to gain approval, I probably will be influenced by the beautiful people who make the commercials or by the choices my friends or relatives have made.

The question I had to ask myself is this: How much of my life do I want to be me and how much of my life will I allow to be a reflection of the lives or opinions of those around me? One person left this comment from a thread:

I just don’t give a flying goat as to what other people are thinking about me. It’s far too restricting to live your life wondering what everyone else is thinking, and until they start making people with cartoon balloons above their heads, I vow not to care.

When I care less about what other people think and start to look inside for what I want and think, I get to be me. When I make decisions about my life from my own values and goals, I am being a proactive person--translation: I am being me.

Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. Proactive people are driven by values--carefully thought about, selected and internalized values. ~ Stephen R. Covey

When I make decisions about my life based on another person's values or opinions, I risk becoming more of an expression of them than myself. As someone has put it, is the life I am living worth more than the life I am giving up?

The part you were meant to play is not the script written for you by others, but the one you write for yourself. ~ Winsome

In the movie "Runaway Bride," Richard Gere (Ike Fisher) is a columnist who has a reputation for women-bashing. When he is fired for not checking his facts in his expose of Julia Roberts (aka Maggie The Runaway Bride,) he decides to shadow her before the next wedding to prove he was right. What he does not expect is that he will fall for her and at this point in the script, tells her that the reason she runs at weddings is because she is trying so hard to be what she thinks they want her to be that she doesn't know who she really is.

                Every one of those times I was being supportive.

                Not supportive! You weren't being supportive!

                You were scared! You were scared then, 

                you're scared now.

                You are the most lost woman--

                - Lost? 

                - Yes, lost. You're so--

                You're so lost, you don't even know 

                what kind of eggs you like.

                - Yes. Yes! - What?

                That's right. With the priest, 

                you wanted scrambled.

                With the Dead Head, it was fried.

                With the bug guy, it was poached.

                Now it's like, "Oh, egg whites only. 

                Thank you very much."

                That is called changing your mind.

                No, that's called not having a mind of your own.

                Maggie, what are you doing?

                You really want that guy up there to drag you...

                up Annapurna for your honeymoon?

                You do not wanna climb Annapurna!

                Yes, I do!

                [Sighs]

                No, you don't.

Eventually Maggie and Ike decide they love each other and have a wedding and 
(You guessed it) she runs away again. Time goes by and Maggie
begins to look inside to find out who she is. She goes forward 
with her lamp designs and for the last scene we see her waiting
for Ike in his Manhattan apartment. She tells him:

                When I was walking down the aisle, 

                I was walking toward somebody...

                who had no idea who I really was.

                And it was only half the other person's fault...

                because I had done everything to convince him...

                that I was exactly what he wanted.

                So, it was good...

                that I didn't go through with it because it 

                would've been a lie.

                But you--

                You knew the real me.

                Yes, I did.

                I didn't.

                Still, I ended up chasing a truck.

                I can't, um, do anything about the truck.

                But, uh--

                - Benedict. 

                - Arnold?

                I love eggs Benedict.

                I hate all the other kinds of eggs.

                I hate big weddings, everybody staring.

                I'd like to get married on a weekday while 

                everybody's at work.

                And if I ride off into the sunset, 

                I want my own horse.

They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them. ~ Ghandi

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you... If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you... If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much ~ Rudyard Kipling

Kipling in his classic poem "If," praises the ability to be yourself in the face of chaos, blame,and the mistrust of your foes. With friends or the crowds or Kings, he gives credit to the ability to retain your own compass and standards.

It helps me to realize that people are not thinking about me all the time and when they do think about me, I choose to believe that they are thinking well of me. Even in the odd moments when they are thinking negatively of me, I realize they are only human and can be mistaken and while everyone has the right to their opinion, it doesn’t mean I should give it any more weight than my own.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~ Dr. Seuss

The ones whose opinion I look to for balance in my life are a well chosen few.

The ones I look to for advice and feedback are the few who know the most about me and like me anyway, the ones related to me that I gravitate to, and certain ones who either are trained professionals or through experience have mentored me with wisdom and grace. What all others think about me is none of my business—it is their business and their prerogative, but I do not have to invest in it.

From "Pride and Prejudice"-- MR.DARCY:I hope you are not displeased with Pemberley! ELISABETH:No not at all! MR.DARCY:Then you approve of it? ELISABETH:Very much. I think there are few who would not approve! MR.DARCY:But your good opinion is rarely bestowed and therefore more worth the earning!

Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet. ~ Plato

In addition to the small circle whose advice I welcome, I have also found it extremely helpful to ask for God's guidance and insight. When the new King Solomon was given the opportunity to ask God for something, instead of riches or power or fame, he asked for wisdom. The gift of wisdom was the right request, because the other three followed it.

It also helps me to be the best I can be if I assume the best in others.

One of my favorite Will Rogers type persons, Uncle Bud Robinson said: "If you are going to insult me, you’re going to have to say it in such a way that I can't possibly take it as a compliment."

There is ALWAYS a way to interpret others’ words, actions and possible thoughts in a positive way. If you assume the worst, you may be wrong and both you and they will feel bad, but if you assume the best, you help to make them better and you feel great.

Society Has to Function

When I say that we should worry less about what others think, I do not mean we should ignore our parents, teachers, churches, employers and government. In a civilized society, we develop rules to protect and support the freedom of life we enjoy and we all need to practice some kind of conformity in order for society to function.

Being Yourself Means You Can Decide

Although some form of cooperation with the system is necessary, we should always privately examine authority, teachings and even the well-intentioned advice from our parents and see if it resonates with the solid core of values we have come to make our own. Never trade validation and safety for the personal realization that comes from introspection, prayer and wisdom. Only you can decide what is best and correct for you.

When you encounter difficult words, actions or circumstances, your sense of self assurance and self worth will help you keep your head. Your principles and values and the unique perspective that makes you the person you are will enable you to:

Choose the way you feel about it

Choose alternatives to a difficult situation

Choose the way you will respond

Happiness does not depend on everything going your way, it depends on the way you choose to go ~ Winsome

In the world to come, I shall not be asked, "Why were you not Moses?" I shall be asked, "Why were you not Zusya?" ~ Rabbi Zusya

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